“Something as insipid as love…”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHyKDrGzn-I&NR=1
Another Matrix Revolutions quote. My originality is seeping away very quickly it seems.
But some good news! in the spirit of shoehorning in a flimsy reference for popular appeal, I’ve agreed to conduct an interview with one of my favorite characters, Agent Smith:
Smith: “Why, Mr. Manoukarakis, why why why? Why do you do it, why get up [every morning]?”
Me: “Because a new day is a new promise for hapiness that I renew with the first sight of the sun. Without that promise and the warming sun shining over it, I’d never get out of bed. Because there is a girl out there that is waiting for me to discover her, and I will not find her shunning the day away under the covers. I owe a debt of gratitude to this person that I can’t repay from within my room. Shes my obligation and my life as well as a clouded vision, made clear by the renewal of the sanguine sun and opaque by the nuance of night.”
Smith: “Why keep fighting? Do you believe your fighting for something?”
Me: “I believe all of life is a drawn out fight. You either win or lose. Winners are remembered long after they die, whether it be by only a few close loved ones or celebrated as a national hero, it makes no difference. Losers are the abysmal transient ones who never die, they just meander off into scrutiny and obscurity and live forever because no word will ever reach anyone of their deaths. I keep fighting because I want to be remembered. If my memory can evoke either a tear on the cheek or smile of one person, I’ll never need more in life to feel like a winner”
Smith: “Do you fight for freedom or truth?”
Me: “I’m an absurdist. I fight to define freedom and truth and am content in the struggle. Knowing that I can work towards my own definitions of freedom and truth in life makes me feel empowered.”
Smith: “Do you fight for peace, perhaps love?”
Me: “I’m a soldier of love, I’m on the frontlines every day, heart in hand; looking to take the life of some helpless young girl and make her feel beautiful and appreciated. As for peace, I’d never ask for that. This war of kindred spirits gives me purpose. I’ll keep fighting on and on because as of this day no bullet has struck me down into the open arms of my ladylove. My heart still beats too consistently, my thoughts too decadent and banal. I need the abrupt shock that only her bullet can offer.”
Smith: “Illusions, Mr. Manoukarakis. vagaries of perception!”
Me: “Um… I’m sorry, was there a question in there?”
Smith’s face contorts into a look of fiery, grim determination his words begin to bellow and roar out as he rages into a fervor. His face is taut with intesnity and his teeth grit between words.
Smith: “Temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect!…”
Me: “Feeble human intellect? Should I be insulted?”
Smith: “…Trying desperately to define an existence that is without meaning or purpose!”
Me:”
…
…
… I’m sorry, are you done? N-no no no, I can wait. Don’t hold back on my account. It’s only MY interview, afterall.”
Smith: “Although… Only a human mind can invent something as insipid as love…”
Me: “Love? Insipid? Says the machine whose thoughts typically consist of 1′s and 0′s. 1010001001. There, I hope that was an insult in your screwy language!”
Smith: “You must be able to see it, Mr. Manoukarakis, you must know it by now?!”
Me: “And that ‘it’ is?”
Smith: “You can’t win! It’s pointless to keep fighting!”
Me: “Maybe, we’ll see when all is said and done.”
I get up from my chair and dawn a heroic pose.
Smith: “Why, Mr. Manoukarakis, why? WHY DO YOU PERSIST?!”
Me: “Because love and life will always triumph over the sufferance that is ennui and despair. I persist for you, for me, and for everyone I’ve ever loved. Oh; and ‘becuse I choose to’.”
Smith’s face immediatley returns to a happy reserved look.
Smith: “Haha, wonderful. Well I’m afraid thats all the time we have for today but this has been a really enlightening experience.”
He reaches over and we exchange a brief handshake.
Me: “Likewise I’m sure! You’ll say hi to Neo for me, won’t you?”
Smith: “Who?”
Me: “Uh… Mr. Anderson?”
Smith: “Oh yes, of course. Neo… Heh… Thats a new one for me, Mr. Manoukarakis.”
Me: “Hahaha! I’m sure it is. Thanks and goodbye.”
- – -
That Smith is a real character isn’t he?
On a serious note, this might seem like a flimsy joke but part of those are my beliefs on life. I like to think of it as my manifesto on happiness.
Anyway, I guess the purpose of this post was to inject a little optimism, joy and humor into my life. I kind of need it at the moment to get over her. I’ll get more into who she is later but for now, I’m still tiptoeing around what to do. I’d love to win her back, but I don’t even know what I did wrong in the first place. Hard to remedy a problem that you don’t know about. 
- – -
Oh, and a brief poem I wrote when she and I were in a happier state. I took an older poem that I wrote and modified it a bit. It really seems finished now that I had someone to inspire these feelings in me:
The Rascal Queen Recovered Me
Have you ever experienced that feeling you get when you stick your hand outside the window of your car when it’s just starting to rain? The air is cold and murky, full of fog and anticipation of the upcoming shower. But your hand is not. It was in the car, being warmed and placated by the heaters around it. It’s not yet used to this foreign environment and it feels uncomfortable and out-of-place.
Every touch, every subtlety of the outside world is magnified by your hand’s predisposed condition.You feel refreshed, vibrant and free but above all scared. Scared that this new condition is fleeting, that it won’t always be with you, that you might have to return to the decadent warm placation of heaters; return to convincing yourself that you’re happy shunning yourself from the rain. But you accept this fright because it is new and exciting, because anything worth doing is a risk; a gamble.
The rain begins and it starts with only a drizzle. A sparse downpour that isn’t noticeable to anything else in the rest of the world. Even you have yet to really notice until it finally hits. That one raindrop that has found it’s way from the sky above, that defied the convention of all the other drops around it and hit your hand. It’s the single intrusion into your otherwise sedate and mundane world. And though it’s shocking at first, you begin to welcome it. The sudden sensation tears through your body like a harsh shock. That one pinprick feeling that has more of a sobering effect on you then anything else. At that moment in time, it becomes the dearest thing to you; A feeling like no other.
I’ve experienced that feeling…
Sometimes the most durable barriers we create can withstand the blunt force of everything conceivable in this world, but it only makes the defeat that much more amazing when it succumbs to the force of just one determined raindrop. For being that raindrop, I’ll love you always.
